I Can’t = I Won’t Try

This morning, I was reflecting on how in every job I have had since I was 22, I have been helping others grow. Whether it was physically, emotionally or spiritually. The truth is, until yesterday I had no idea my presence and guidance was helping so many people. I had spent the day training a strength camp and had multiple women explaining to me why they couldn’t try something/or do something more than what they were already doing. “I can’t do that” I heard over and over again, and time after time, I watched these amazing women, with a little guidance and encouragement, do what moments before said they couldn’t do. In one of the camps, “I can’t” had been so prevalent that I made an announcement that I didn’t want to hear anyone say “I can’t” ever again. “yes you can, I will show how, but you need to try.” And one client looked at me and said, “I didn’t think I could lift the 35, but you said I was strong and I believed you, and I did it. Thank you for believing in me more than I believe in myself.” 💜

That is truly what it comes down to. I believe in these women. I see how far they have come. I see them show up day after day and become stronger and stronger, physically and mentally, and I sometimes I wonder if they can see it.  It’s an honor to help them grow and transform, however, as I sit here thinking about it, I can’t help but imagine what they could do if they believed in themselves. I am so grateful that my belief in them, helps them do more than think they can, but I can’t help but wonder what would happen if each of them believed in their own ability a little bit more, saw themselves as strong and capable. What else could they do? How would they feel about themselves? And what would that new found confidence help them achieve both in and outside of the gym?  

“I can’t” = “I won’t try.” It means, I don’t want anyone to see me fail. At least that has been what it has meant in my life. It’s the fear of not being able to be great at something you’ve never tried, right off the bat, and what others might say about you if you fail. “I can’t” is a cop out. I am guilty of it too. I have said “I can’t” many times, in many places of my life, trying desperately to avoid feeling uncomfortable, and the shame of letting others see me fail. And it led me only doing those things that came easily to me so I could feel successful, but it was always a hollow victory knowing I could have done more.  But in reality, uncomfortable is where change happens. It can be scary to step into that uncomfortable space, but the more concerned with failure you are, the harder the brain will try to keep you safe and stagnant. When you decide to step up and try something new, you will surprise yourself. Every single time! You might not get it on the first try, but the more you break it down, the better it will get, until finally you’re the one showing others how its done. 

The one of the best lessons I have learned from dance and fitness is, if I focus on the way it is done, and break it down, step by step, there is nothing I can’t find a way to do, but that’s ONLY if I step up and try.  My go to phrase is not, “I can’t” It’s “show me that again.” I may need to watch and ask questions about the mechanics of the movement, but I will break it down and do it over and over until I get there.

Honestly if you never try, you will never know, and you will never build that confidence in yourself that says “let see if I can.” What if we change, “I can’t” to “let’s see if I can?”  And look for the steps, or person that will help get us there. You can! I promise you. I’ve seen it time and time again. Both in the gym, and in real life.  What you believe to be true for you, will ALWAYS be the case until you challenge your belief.  

I know it can be hard to even walk through the door some days, but no matter what take that step, in every area of your life.  Show up! Not just physically, let’s see what happens when we show up for ourselves mentally in that mindset of “what if I can?” As a trainer/coach/therapist, I will still show up every time to root for you and help you along the way, but at the end of the day, you believing in you will ultimately change everything. You are the only one who can do it for you! 💜

I challenge you to replace “I can’t” with “What if I can?” Or “How can I?” This week. And show up with the intention to try. If you don’t try you will never fail and if you never fail you will never grow. My wish for you is that you find something inside yourself to be inspired by. To push you when you hear yourself say “I can’t.” The first step is noticing it when it happens. Awareness is the only way to change, so simply becoming aware of the thoughts you are thinking will give you an opportunity to change them. Try it and let me know how it goes in the comments below.