Thank You

As I sat on a log by the water today I put down my keys next me and saw the word thank you staring up at me. Back in November I received a keychain as part of a gift for my 1 year at Burn. It is a small circle that reads “a great coach is hard to find and impossible to forget,” and has a tiny barbell dangling next to it.

When I first looked at it I was so touched by the message, that those words were all I saw. Today I realized that there is also a smaller piece that reads “thank you”.

Thank you. That’s my prayer as I close my eyes at night.

Until today I thought I was saying thank you to God/the universe for everything and everyone in my life. But I realized, in addition to that, I’m thanking myself. I’m thanking the younger version of me who went through all the hard, managing it the best she could, listening to those who had her best interest at heart, trying to make everything better, struggling to understand the why, but relied on the approval of others for her worth. I’m thanking that girl. The one that finally reached a point and said “fuck this shit” and trusted her gut.

The one that realized that she had done everything that the world had told her would make her better and more successful and more beautiful, and more loveable, and all it did was make her absolutely miserable.

I’m thanking that girl for making the decision to trust herself. For following that deeper sense that if everything I learned in church about how much God loved us, then God didn’t put me here to feel that awful and suffer through life. There’s no way I can believe that we have that right. If we love someone/something, we want to see them thrive, be happy, and enjoy life.

I’m thanking the girl that had this realization and decided no amount of money or acceptance was worth her self-esteem, time, emotional well-being, or life. No matter what.

And I’m especially thanking her for having the balls to listen to herself and follow through. To try anything and everything to get herself to a place of joy. To learn and grow and to always question information that doesn’t feel quite right when she hears it. To think for herself. To make decisions based on my goals and the type of life, body, mindset, and relationships she wants in her life.

I am so thankful for that girl. I don’t know where I’d be now had she not stepped up. But I do know with all my heart that we all, always know what to do. The answers we seek are not outside of us. The comfort and love we seek are not outside of us. The knowledge and guidance we seek are not outside of us. Everything we need to thrive is within us.

That’s not to say we don’t need other people or connection with other humans, we absolutely do. But when we show up for ourselves fully as we are and listen to our gut, amazing things start to happen. When we appreciate and love ourselves, the right people, places and things begin to show up. Our timing gets better, we start to feel better, and the better it gets the better it gets.

I’m nowhere near where I want to be yet, but I know I’m on the right path. And something I’ve learned is that the path never has an end. Appreciating the journey of life is the best part. When we get to where we are going or wanting to be, then the next journey begins. The next goal, then next, and so on.

Today I encourage you to sit for 5 minutes, place you hand on your heart, and breathe. No agenda. Just focus on the breath. That is the most powerful tool I have found to bring me back to me. To my inner knowing. Sit. Breathe. Listen. And most importantly trust what your heart knows to be true.

Keep growing! Keep trusting! And don’t forget to thank and celebrate yourself along the way.